I Typed For Miles

     My main intention with writing these posts on a somewhat weekly basis was mainly to keep my brain from locking up from the mundanity of my day to day.  Trying to write five hundred words a week in order to prevent atrophy and to see if I could still string a few words together in a manner that made any sense.

     I also try to use this space as a form of therapy to get the poison out.  Spending most of my time out in the wild wondering how it's taken society this long to start falling apart is very taxing on the small amount of sanity that I have.  Writing has turned into my metaphorical Pepto Bismol when I end up getting mental heartburn from some shithead that should have never left the suburbs.  Especially when I'm out in what's left of “polite society” and I'm unable to call bullshit without hurting someone's feelings.

     Another purpose was to see if I was still capable of getting the work done and then to continue toiling away and getting the work done on a consistent basis.  There was never a goal to achieve or a finish line to cross.  Adding my own personal grain of sand to the garbage covered shoreline that is the internet.

     Adding a camera to the mix in an attempt to document my nights in sweaty rock clubs, and to have a visual element to go along with the writing, had unintended consequences.  A small amount of people were actually into what I've been doing.

     Having a bare minimum of social skills, I am now having to learn how to be normal around people in a social setting.  I have spent decades as a recluse that stood in the back of the room or near the soundboard, always with my exit plan mapped out and ready to execute as soon as the last band was over.

     Now when I walk into a venue, people say hello to me and I have to figure out how to engage in general conversation.  This may not seem like a difficult task but for someone that can go days without speaking this is quite the challenge.

     Learning to accept compliments and positive reinforcement is something that I should have taken care of by now.  Making nice with my fellow humans is something that I should have had a handle on before I entered my teens.  I don't have enough hours in the day to figure this shit out now that I also have all of the responsibilities that go along with hurtling toward middle age.  Instead of spending all of that time in my room reading and listening to records when I was a bored teenager, I probably should have spent some time learning how to socialize.  Now I'm an old man that sits in his house reading and listening to records and I still don't have a clue how to be a functioning adult.

     Responding to someone that says, “Hey man, I really liked that thing you wrote” or that picture I took with “ARE YOU THREATENING ME!?!?  THAT SOUNDS LIKE A THREAT!!!” followed by my running away can be rather off putting.  I try my best to keep it together.

     I have thought of submitting work to the two alt-weeklies in Pittsburgh but they seem to be heading in a friendlier direction than I am.  They do have a citywide readership to try to cultivate so having this miserable prick on their roster might not be in their best interest.  Especially since one of the usual targets of my ire are the yocals that I encounter with confounding regularity when I step out the front door.

     Music sites and other publications are not really an option given the massive amounts of consolidation and layoffs that are going on.  They all want writers that are freelance and then to not pay the writers for their assignments.  If I'm going to write for free, I'll at least do so on my own terms and without the pop up ads.  Bad grammar and typos be damned.

     No one reads anything beyond a few words as they scroll by on their phones so it is rather difficult at times to proceed with this exercise in futility.  Having so few consistent readers is discouraging but that's when I stop looking at the analytics, put my head down and get to work.

     This thing has led to a few potential opportunities that will hopefully come together.  Time will tell on those and they at least add fuel to the fire for me to keep at it.