What Was I Thinking?

     I was reading a James Baldwin essay where he was riding through the South by bus and described the faces of the driver and one of the other passengers.  The immense detail he went into made me realize how solitary and uninteresting life has become.

     Most of my week consists of going from my house to my car to work then back to my car to my house and repeat for another four days.  The deafening silence and solitude of my car would be maddening if it weren't for music.  My iPod has become my best friend.

     I have been able to go days without speaking.  With the wonders of self checkout at the grocery store, I don't even have the fake chit chat with the clerk as I cash out anymore.  When I have to stop somewhere for coffee, it takes me a minute to remember how to use words beyond pointing to my mouth and grunting, “Put coffee in the coffee hole.”

     Everyone seems to be isolating themselves and falling deeper and deeper into their phones and their fake friends that can be found there.  If we were all able to take public transit, I'm sure life would immediately become more interesting.  We would all have more stories to tell due to the people we would encounter every day because people are downright crazy.

     Taking public transit would also make us walk around our neighborhoods more frequently.  We might get to know and recognize our neighbors and have a little less fear in our lives.

     I've noticed on my morning commute how everyone is driving around in a hurry because we're afraid of our bosses and being late to work.  If I pull into the parking lot with a few minutes to spare to get to my desk, I might be late depending on what song is on in the car.  I would much rather hear the end of a Buzzcocks song and be late than trudge up the stairs and be on time without it.

     Our self imposed isolation seems to be amplifying our differences and pushing us farther apart.  If we had more reliable transit systems, and we used them, we would be less isolated.  We might not be talking to each other but at least we'd be sitting next to one another and aware of our humanity.  This might give us all a little more understanding with our fellow humans which seems to be lacking of late.

     Then, as I write this with hopey/changey thoughts, the table next to me is now occupied by a parent with their child that they don't seem too interested in teaching how to behave.  My notepad, pen and coffee cup are not toys.  I am not the father of this child so I don't give a fuck about it.  Put that kid on a leash and keep it the fuck away from me.  Social boundaries, motherfucker.  Learn them and you will go far.  Or at least far away from me.

     Everywhere I go I try to sit in the farthest, emptiest corner.  I have headphones on.  I have my face stuck in either a book or a laptop.  Nothing about my demeanor says, “Please, come on over.  I'd love to put up with your presence.”   And yet people always find me and think I want to interact with them.  I need to have an MRI done on my whole body to see if I was born with some sort of asshole magnet because I sure can attract them.

     I wrote the first three quarters of this thing feeling rather positive about life and the work we need to do to move society forward.  That was all brought crashing down by some asshole and his asshole kid in a matter of minutes.  Fuck humanity.  I can't wait for it to be wiped out.  Global warming and nuclear war are suddenly events that I am looking forward to.