Me And My Record Collection

     As I am getting longer in the tooth, I have been starting to wonder if I have gone down the right path.  No relationship or desire to have one and a house full of records that only I care about.  I end up panicking, filled with dread and anxiety that I am going to die alone.  Then I see the arguments and other general bullshit that “happily” married people that I know have to put up with and I feel much better about the bullets I have dodged.

     Never in my life, while listening to Miles Davis or The Stooges, have I felt the urge to yell out, “Shut The Fuck Up!!!”  The first four Black Sabbath records have never disappointed me at the end of a day.  The Velvet Underground has never told me they were going to do something and not done it.  These drug addled, horrible people that I would not want in my house have never let me down when they are condensed down to twelve inch plastic discs.

     Organizing my record collection has become a full contact sport.  The almost 3,000 LPs occupy three large shelving units on two different floors of my house.  A through D are on one shelving unit that is on the first floor in a smaller room with my main stereo set up.  E through Z are on the second floor occupying two shelving units in my bedroom with a smaller stereo set up.  The lack of space in the bedroom is not really a problem since I only use the room to store my body when I'm not using it. There's normally a pile of records that could fill two milk crates sitting around, waiting for me to shelve them.  By the time I get done shifting the existing records around and putting the new records in alphabetical order, I'm covered in sweat and usually bleeding from the knuckles.  If I weren't as lazy as I am, I should get into the habit of filing them as they come in after they get cleaned and listened to but that's in an ideal world where I don't have other stuff to do.

     When I used to have a regular record store that I was loyal to, I would end up there at the end of a bad day much like some people would head to the bar for happy hour to blow off steam.  I would root through every bin even though I had been through the same bins the week before just in case there was a used record that came in since then.  Or if some savage put a record they decided not to buy back in the wrong place, I'd put it back in its rightful place.  Then I would hand in a list of new releases for the store to special order while picking up the order that just came in.  The folks that ran the store always knew to keep an empty box around for when I came in because no mere bag could contain my purchases.

     There are some records that I can't not buy every time I see them in the bin.  The first Clash record is an example of this.  Every time I come across an old pressing of it, I have to take it home with me as if it were a rescue dog.  I'll end up giving the record to someone but I can't just leave it in the bin. The first Clash record deserves a home and goddammit I can give it one so I will.

     These days, I am a nomad without a record store since the two that I used to frequent for years have either closed or changed hands.  This has left me to my own devices to find records on the internet.  Internet record buying has its advantages and disadvantages.  On one hand, I can get new releases on the usually limited colored vinyl but the downside is the exorbitant cost of shipping.  And yes, I will go through the expense to collect all of the different color variations of certain records.  For some odd reason, I do need all four colors of that True Widow record.  For used records, there's always Discogs and eBay but the prices have gotten out of hand due to the “resurgence” of vinyl. Everybody that has an old David Bowie record with severe ring wear on the cover thinks it's worth fifty dollars.  Add to that, every local store seems to be picked over unless there's a junky with a record collection that needs a fix or to cover their rent.  But those finds are few and far between anymore.

     Maintaining this beast of a collection also takes time and patience.  Used records are usually a challenge to get to a point that won't damage the turntable needle when listening to them.  I have found animal hair, dried up bits of pot, dirt (not dust but backyard dirt) and someone's math homework in used LPs.  Used records need to be cleaned and usually given a new paper inner-sleeve before the needle hits them.  All of this effort is starting to not be worth it if the used record costs too much and the new pressing is around the same price, if not cheaper.

     Other than ruining my child's future, the main problems of having a record collection this size would be having to move it or having to sell it.  Having to box them all up, put them into the back of a truck and then unload them at a new location would be an insurmountable task.  Or at least a task I don't want to do.  If I were in the unfortunate position to have to sell the collection off, I would have to do it a record at a time in order to recoup anywhere close to what I paid out for them.  Grading and listing them all would be a full time job in and of itself.

     I used to think that there was no such thing as too many records but I think I might be getting to the point of overload.  And yet I keep laying down my hard earned for more and more records.  Those Ramones anniversary reissues aren't going to listen to themselves, you know.