It was recently announced that Slayer
will be hanging it up after one last victory lap around the world. At first I didn't think too much of it. Then it started to sink in
that after 30 some years there will be a morning when I wake up and
there will be no more Slayer.
Slayer could be put on the very short
list with bands like the Ramones and Motorhead that I always thought
would be there. Bands that we all thought would be there until the
end and so we ended up taking them for granted because they were so
steady with their output and relentless touring.
My vision of a dystopian, apocalyptic
future planet seems to include a scene where Keith Richards and Lemmy
are throwing rocks at each other in competition for the last piece of
cockroach carcass while the Ramones and Slayer are their respective
backing bands. But if the past few years have taught us anything,
nothing lasts forever.
The simple fact that Slayer made it
out of the 1980s as a band is no small feat. This was during the
rise of MTV when all of these Christian/parent groups started to
feign outrage over the content of music videos and song lyrics. They
were able to walk into the living room while little Timmy was rocking
out and became offended because they forgot they're from a generation that grew up listening to
a band called Black Sabbath. This also coincided with Tipper Gore
wanting to censor and put warning labels on records because she
feared children would engage in premarital sex and animal sacrifice
if they listened to anything that wasn't suitable for the Lawrence
Welk Show.
And let us never forget the three
kids, from West Memphis, Arkansas, that were convicted of murders
they didn't commit because they had Slayer records in their
collections and wore black. And don't forget the three kids who were
murdered and whose killer still breathes free air because the local
law enforcement had a belief in witchcraft as if it were the 1600s.
I did not grow up with MTV because my
family was one of the last in the neighborhood to get cable and when
we did it was the below basic package which was pretty much only
clear reception of the local channels so we wouldn't need bunny ears
anymore. And I find it very odd that as much as my parents'
generation hated Communism they sure did want all of their children
to be the same. Culture was bad. Anything that was different was
bad. Fear of the “Other” was rampant even if they weren't able
to acknowledge it. Art wasn't needed. “Shut the fuck up, get a
meaningless day job and repeat our mistakes” was the order of the
day. Reagan was president and authority could do no wrong.
I was shipped off to an all boys
Catholic high school for reasons I am still not sure of. The most
important lessons I learned there were to distrust any person in a
position of authority and that religion was an outdated bag of
bullshit. So much so that I don't even consider myself to be an
atheist. It's amazing how much work atheists put into believing in
nothing. I have more important things to do than discuss who's
imaginary friend is more righteous than someone else's. Humanity
really needs to evolve past religion of any kind because it is no
longer necessary and is used to manipulate the masses into acting
against their own best interests. Christianity's only valuable
contribution to modern society has been the fish fry.
My first encounter with Slayer was
after I had graduated high school and was working at a sandwich shop. I was still trying to find my way in the world and didn't know shit
about music beyond the same forty songs that were played ad nauseam
on the local modern rock radio station. I didn't really have any
friends, let alone friends that were into music. One of my coworkers
at the sandwich shop was into metal and sang in a band. Instead of
standing there in silence because of my social ineptitude, he tried
to crack open the conversation by asking me what music I liked. I
responded with Helmet, Tool and the Rollins Band. A few days later,
he came in with a stack of CDs to put under my snout. There was
Vision of Disorder's self-titled record, Turmoil's From Bleeding
Hands and Slayer's Diabolous
In Musica. I was hooked. I
thought I had a problem with Christianity. Boy, was I wrong. Slayer
made a living out of having a problem with Christianity.
As
the years went by and the more I listened, Slayer started to take
more of a Spinal Tap/Monty Python position in my brain. Very subtle
humor that you'd miss if you weren't looking or were taking things
too seriously. How is a line like, “I keep the Bible in a pool of
blood so that none of its lies can affect me” not funny. To do so
does not seem very practical. The visual of a Bible in a Tupperware,
soaking in blood, while looking for something to put leftovers in
makes me laugh every time I picture it. And don't forget the episode
of South Park when Cartman played Slayer over the PA at a jam band
concert to rid the town of hippies. So, yes, Slayer warms my heart
and makes me happy when I listen to their records.
We no longer live
in a time where every few years a Slayer record would be unleashed
upon the earth like a monster escaping from an underground government
bunker. No one makes records like Slayer. Nor should they try. There is a formula to what they do but that formula belongs to Slayer
because they execute it with precision every time. People may try to
criticize the band by saying that they only do one thing and release
the same record over and over. But Slayer does that one thing so
well and with so much intensity that I am never bothered by it like I
would be with other bands. It used to be that I would find myself
getting bored with metal then Slayer would swoop in and save the day
with a new album. I'm not going to have that anymore and I see no
other band that releases records that frequently that could fill that
void.
Even with the
changing moods of Dave Lombardo, which took him in and out of the
band for various reasons, and the loss of Jeff Hanneman, Slayer was
always consistent from album to album. Those records weren't made in
studios. They had to have been made in a laboratory under strict
supervision so as to not infect the surrounding areas. The release
of Diabolous In Musica followed by God Hates Us All
has got to be one of the greatest one-two punches in music history.
Unfortunately, I
only got to see them play live once. It was at an ice rink, in the
middle of nowhere, on one of those Jagermeister sponsored package
tours. The sound was awful because of the echo off of the concrete
walls and bleachers. If you closed your eyes, you wouldn't have been
able to tell where the stage was located.
And sadly, I will
be skipping their last show in the Pittsburgh area. It's at one of
those Clear Channel owned, cookie cutter outdoor amphitheaters. I
just can't bring myself to overpay through Ticketmaster for the
ticket and then have to pay to park in order to use binoculars to
watch Slayer play on a big TV while the sound is blown away by the
wind. I would be endlessly frustrated by the crowd and the facility
that it would be better for all involved if I abstained.
I will say that I
will be first in line for the release of Tom Araya's solo acoustic
record when it comes out. If Buzz from the Melvins can put something
like that out, why can't Tom?
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