Everyone's A Critic

Context:  This is the third and final article that I had written a few years ago for a website that didn't happen.  It feels rather short and choppy but I left it in tact.  The assignments were to be around 500 words and a little snippy.

     I find the fields of music and film reviewing to be quite pointless.  People that aren't talented enough to create their own art always wash up on the shores of mediocrity, willing and ready to tear down those who do create.

     A few months ago, the band Sleep released their first new music in years.  It was one song that ran for almost ten minutes called The Clarity.  This song could melt your speakers when listened to at an appropriate volume.

     As I went through the internets to find more information about the song, I started to notice a fair amount of critics did not like what Sleep had unleashed upon the world.  Someone had complained that the vocals weren't “growly” enough and the production was too clean.

     In my mind, if the band that brought us Dopesmoker were to record their own chili farts and call it their new album, I wouldn't complain.  I might find it odd but I wouldn't complain.  I would just enjoy the fact that Sleep were making new music, which was my reaction to The Clarity.

     I want to know what band “random internet reviewer” is in.  Has this person ever worked their ass off to put something other than his complaints into the world?

     I know that I'm not in a band so I am very careful not to slag a record or a band openly.  With the exceptions of Nickleback and the Dave Matthews Band and I only use them for punchlines involving douchebags.

     I would much rather not acknowledge the things I don't like and spend my time and energy bringing attention to the things I do like.  The anonymity of the internet makes it so easy to tear down someone else's work.  Some nameless asshole that is devoid of talent and ambition will freely shit upon someone else's work at a moments notice.

     And it seems like most film reviewers either hate movies in general or fail to realize that they are watching movies instead of documentaries.  Film is a suspension of belief that requires the use of one's imagination as the viewer is taken into the world created by the filmmakers.  If someone that watches movies for a living doesn't understand that then maybe they shouldn't watch movies for a living.

     There is a film critic for a now irrelevant music magazine that feels compelled to rip apart every movie he reviews.  At some point, he should either (A) make a film of his own to demonstrate to us uneducated masses how a film should be made (B) try reviewing films that he likes or (C) shut the fuck up.  I encourage option C for most people.

     There is something that needs to be understood: These critics that contribute nothing to the artistic process but get paid to tear it down get tons of free records and go to free screenings all the time.  If these people would be cut off from their free access, maybe they would put a little more thought into their work.