Sometimes a situation occurs when everyone involved is so deeply entrenched in their idiocy that both sides of the argument fail to see that they are both idiots. They dig in. Filled with their own self-righteousness and belief that they are in the right when clearly no one involved is right and, in fact, both sides are hilariously wrong. It is moments like this that will make me come to a standstill and watch the train wreck of stupid come crashing down like the Hindenburg while wearing the biggest, dopiest grin of joy.
Recently a teacher at a catholic high school invited the owners of a small business to the school to discuss the process of opening and operating a small business. It just so happened that the small business that these owners operated was a Wiccan store that sells crystals and stones. It's time to make some nachos and let the collision of the east bound train of catholic stupidity and the west bound train of hippy bullshit commence!!! This is the Bruce Lee vs. Muhammad Ali dumbfuck battle of the century and I would pay cash money to watch it on pay-per-view but I'll just have to settle for poorly produced local news segments instead.
The owners of the rock store came into the school, gave their spiel about running a business and, like any business owner looking for customers, they gave out free samples. Be it cookies, drugs or magic rocks Americans love a free sample.
This is where things get weird and makes me lose faith in future generations. These little shithead students went to the school administration and narced on the teacher and the “witches.” What the fuck is wrong with these kids? They are a new generation of sniveling little cops that run to tattle to the grownups at every turn. When I say “Yes, all cops are bastards,” it includes these little fuckers as well. These brainwashed little pigs-in-training couldn't just sit there and say, “Check this shit out. This is what passes for a day at school,” and get on with their lives. They were being shown a demonstration that included a skull carved out of magic rocks. Crystal skulls were metal as fuck until that horrible Indiana Jones movie.
I would have killed for a day like that in high school. The only thing my catholic high school education taught me was to have a hearty distrust in all forms of authority.
A letter was sent home to the parents telling them to dispose of the rocks and say a prayer to the patron saint of made up nonsense to cleanse their homes. For an organization that was founded on a virgin birth, believes in sacred artifacts and a mountain of other silly bullshit, how are magic rocks such a big leap? At least stones form naturally on the Earth and, through the use of science and our five senses, we can actually see them and understand how these rocks came to be. Now granted, that doesn't mean the rocks have magical powers but at least their existence doesn't hinge on blind faith.
The “news” interviewed the rock selling witches and obviously cherry picked the soundbite that would make them look the worst out of what I'm sure was a much longer interview. The part of their response that aired went something along the lines of “God made these rocks so how could the rocks be bad.” I am certainly not on the side of the witches in this instant but the “reporter” was clearly aiming to make them look ridiculous. As far I'm concerned the witches can fuck right off as much as the catholic church because they're in the same business. Taking advantage of people with the promise of eternal salvation is the same thing as peddling magic rocks and essential oils to people who are looking for a similar slice of hope to get through their day to day.
The unfortunate part in this whole story is that the teacher was placed on the dreaded “administrative leave” and then forced to resign. This person is out of a job and doesn't deserve to be. And they also don't deserve to have this story plastered all over the local “news.”
This does feel slightly like a “Fuck this, I quit” type of stunt. If I had to deal with a school that was this tightly wound and students that were snot nosed little rats, I would have done this on purpose so I would get fired.
Once the “news” broke and the school started putting out statements in an attempt to explain themselves, they put on a magnificent floor routine of mental gymnastics in an effort to say they were right and the teacher and the rock sales-witches were wrong. Move over Mary Lou Retton, we've got a new gold medal winner. The statements tried very hard not to say that Wicca was made up bullshit so as to not make people raise an eyebrow and come to the conclusion that catholicism was also an equal amount of made up bullshit. So the school decided to acknowledge Wicca and witchcraft as things that are real in order to protect their own three-legged moral high horse. There is something to be said about people in glass houses not wanting to throw magic rocks but I will never say a positive thing about the catholic church.
One of the statements that the school administration put out wreaked of them trying to exert their authority by saying that they get to determine what is appropriate curriculum at the school and what is best for their students. Maybe the catholic church should shut the fuck up when it comes to what is best for children. Don't take my word for it. Go ask their thousands of victims across the globe.
I'm so glad that I don't have the capacity for a belief in magic. It gives me the opportunity to sit back and laugh at these dipshits for putting their dipshittery on full display. The offended party claiming to be operating under the authority of a higher power that's just as made up as these hucksters with their magic rocks is some serious irony.
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