Pigs. In. SPAAAACE!!!

     A few weeks ago, I was sitting around at my dad's house after we worked on my car.  Given the news that is constantly on his television and the newspaper that is always sprawled out on the kitchen table, it wasn't long before current events became the topic of conversation.

     After a lengthy discussion about tariffs and how they used to work back when there were still manufacturing jobs to be had, praises of a certain person were starting to be sung.  I interjected with, “Really?  Space Force?  Come on.”

     My father then proceeded to rationally explain why we might actually need some sort of security presence in space.  Since everything from finances to the power grid touches the internet, our telecommunication satellites might need to be protected.  Over the years, Russia and China have been launching their own satellites and who knows what their capabilities might be to damage our satellites.

     I'm not sure if he was mentioning points that our failing government had made because every time they say something about this program it involves yelling the words “Space Force” which is followed by my brain shutting off and moving on to the next topic so as to prevent itself from being damaged.  If there was an adult in the room, they would calmly state what the purpose of this program is by using their inside voices instead of explaining it like a hyper-active six year old that just saw Star Wars for the first time.  “The bad guy killed the old man and then the good guys got away and made the big space thingy go boom and then everyone got a medal except for the hairy space dog man.”

     The way my dad put it, Space Force almost sounded reasonable.  Which is what happens when normal people have a discussion about a topic that doesn't devolve into a petulant child stomping his feet and screaming, “I want Space Force!!!” in the middle of a toy store.

     And then I started to feel as if I was having a stroke because my brain began rejecting the idea. There are hungry and homeless people that could be cared for with the billions of dollars that Space Force will more than likely set on fire.  Our veterans are being perpetually mistreated and that money could go toward fulfilling the empty promises that were made to them.

     That money could fix our roads and bridges.  That money could go toward renewable energy technologies so we could try to stop cooking ourselves.  It could be used on education and healthcare but no.  Let's go blow stuff up in space.

     I'm sure we'll be violating some decades old international treaty about not blowing stuff up in space but who cares.  We don't have to live up to our end of agreements but every other country has to because of some false idea of superiority.

     After the first spacecraft that looks like a gold plated Millennium Falcon blows up on the launch pad, I can hear the Idiot In Chief asking why it didn't work.  “It works in the movies all the time.  Just last week, I watched it three times and it didn't blow up once.  Why did this one blow up?”

     For someone that is so smart the concept of time zones had to be explained to him, I can't wait for him to be involved in rocket science.  I'm sure the most involvement he'll be allowed to have is the creation of the Space Force theme song that'll be performed by a Creed cover band.  Or maybe let him design the uniforms that will end up looking like gold lame` track suits.  And then he'll get bored and forget about the whole enterprise, much like he's done with his children and wives.

     The only possible positive outcome of Space Force that I can see is that it will hopefully get us closer the Planet Of The Apes.   Humanity has squandered this planet.  Let's see what another species can do with it.  Zira/Cornelius 2020.